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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22559029">You know, you should have told me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SketchCat/pseuds/SketchCat'>SketchCat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Kiss, Jon doesn't communicate and martin is freaking out, M/M, Martin POV, not as funny as originally intended but just kinda cute?, post-159</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 18:13:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,575</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22559029</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SketchCat/pseuds/SketchCat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Martin is not used to the way Jon is treating him ever since they got out of the lonely, and as much as he likes it, he doesn’t understand it. and it's driving him insane.</p><p>--</p><p>Or, Jon never talks about his feeling and just assumes everyone will catch up.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>318</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You know, you should have told me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Historians in the future will refer to November 2019-March 2020 as the "Good Cow" period were we all believed that Martin and Jon could finally, maybe, be happy together, as long as we ignore everything that happened after the first 5 minutes of 160. So, even though i have never written fanfiction in my life, i couldn’t let this opportunity go to waste, I mean, what would i tell my imaginary grandchildren?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Martin felt like he was going to explode </p><p><br/>
From the moment Jon held his face in the lonely he didn’t let go of him. He hugged Martin then kept a firm grip of his hand on the way out, and Martin was grateful for it. It felt like his anchor pulling him in to reality, the only thing that kept him from losing himself again. From losing Jon again. He can barely remember how they escaped the archive, how they got on the train,  he was only focused on his hand in Jon’s, keeping him grounded. They didn’t let go for a second. They fell asleep on each others shoulder on the train. Martin also slept through the bus ride, but he could swear he felt Jon pulling him closer, whispering softy in to his head “we’re fine. we made it. we’re safe.” . At this point, he honestly felt like he might actually die if Jon was ever to let go, luckily he didn’t. <br/>
<br/>
It was a bit of a walk from the bus stop to Daisy’s safe house, it was a cold open field, and Martin made a mental note to look for cows in the morning. The only reason he could think clearly enough for that was Jon holding him so tightly to keep them both warm.<br/>
in the safe house, Jon gently lead martin to the bed, still in his jeans. When he turned around to leave, Martin immediately blurt out a quite “No.” without thinking, gripping his hand. He might be embarrassed about it in the morning, or two days from now, at that moment he couldn’t bring himself to care. He didn’t know what would happen to him if he had lost the Archivist’s hand. “Okay.” Jon whispered quietly back with a soft smile. He climbed into the bed and wrapped his arms around Martin, who now only focused on Jon’s warm breath on his neck.</p><p>He woke up to the sound of the kettle boiling. Jon wasn’t next to him but he was fine. He was here. He was safe. Jon was safe, and in the adjacent room.<br/>
<br/>
After that… nothing happened. truly nothing, in the best way possible. <br/>
They  both developed  a routine. Martin cooked, Jon did the dishes. Martin went to the store when Jon read a statement. They both cleaned the house, walked around the countryside, met some cows, read quietly and just existing, relaxing, without the immediate danger of a flaming crab clown monster trying to kidnap one of them all of a sudden. Everything was as close to perfect as it could be. Except there was one thing driving Martin up the wall.<br/>
<br/>
Jon never stopped touching him.<br/>
Not 24/7 without letting go like after the lonely, but a lot more than he used to. Jon held his hand when they were walking around. He leaned on him when they were sitting on the sofa, hell, they were sleeping in the same bed! Martin had no idea how this happened really, but on the second day he fell asleep a bit earlier and woke up to find Jon there next to him. That evening Martin suggested he slept on the couch and Jon gave him a quizzical look and asked “why?”. Why? well Martin couldn’t exactly say “Because I’m madly in love with you and every time you’re close to me my heart nearly stops I can’t breath and it feels like I’m going to burst into flames.” <br/>
<br/>
because that was the thing, right? Martin spent years pining after this man who not only did not love him but didn’t even<em> like</em> him. And during those years he taught himself to stay away. Whenever he saw Jon he immediately wanted to hold his hands. When he looked so tired after hours of research he would do anything to hold him until he falls asleep, but he knew these things would not be welcomed. So he avoided being close, tiptoed around him, replacing hugs with cups of tea. He knew that if their hands were to even brush accidentally he might just break and kiss the archivists’ annoying face. <br/>
<br/>
and now it’s even harder, Jon doesn’t hate Martin anymore. He is not that stupid or self-depreciative to not see that when a person is willing to gouge his eyes out for you and literally go to hell and back to save you is a person he cares for you very deeply. But it’s still <em>Jon</em> and he’s just <em>like that</em>, he did it for Daisy as well. Maybe it is out of love? but wouldn’t he have said so? and isn’t he asexual or something? If it’s just for Martin to feel safe it can’t be comfortable for him, which made Martin uncomfortable as well.<br/>
Jon knows how Martin feels, how can he not see what this is doing to him? does it not bother him? how come the eye doesn’t yell at him all the desperate thoughts that go through Martin’s head whenever Jon lays a hand on his back? What he would give to lean in to his touch, to lay his head on him, to kiss his hand, to never let go? He tried to just enjoy it, absorb all the affection, but he just got more confused and sad.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
About a week into their stay, Martin has reached the breaking point.<br/>
 <br/>
He was standing in the living room, when Jon gave him a cup of tea. He lingered for a moment, looking into Martin’s eyes, then laying a gentle hand on his cheek, smiling softly and turning away. This was the final straw.<br/>
<br/>
“Why are you <em>doing</em> that?” Martin said desperately<br/>
<br/>
Jon turned back to face him. “Doing what?”<br/>
<br/>
“Touching me like that”<br/>
<br/>
Jon looked a bit worried, but mostly confused. “Do you not like it?”<br/>
 <br/>
“What? No! Well- actually, yes, that’s exactly the problem, i do like it, and you keep doing that knowing how i feel about it, how i feel about you. you just do it without thinking about how it makes me feel, how.. how when you touch my face like that I- I…” he feels like he’s about to cry. Jon is coming closer to him. <br/>
<br/>
“It’s just not fair for me, you know? I know how to keep my feelings in check, I’ve been doing it for years but I can’t do it when you keep <em>touching</em> me and <em>looking</em> at me like that. W- what am i supposed to do? why are you even doing this? I’m fine, Im okay, i really am, I’m not going to go all lonely on you if you stop holding my hand. I mean <em>Christ</em>, Jon, we sleep in the same<em> bed</em>, how does this not bother you?!”<br/>
<br/>
Jon looks at him, a bit quizzically. “Oh, I thought we were, together?” <br/>
<br/>
Martin just stares at him<br/>
<br/>
“Was it not obvious? I’m sorry, I just assumed you understood. Is- is it okay with you?” <br/>
<br/>
Martin blinks several times, he was at a loss for words. He stared at Jon for a few more seconds, unable to process.<br/>
<br/>
“You never even kissed me.” Is all he managed to mumble.<br/>
“Oh.” Jon was even closer now.<br/>
<br/>
 “I didn’t know if, well, i guess…” He put his hand on the back of Martin’s head, when did he get so close?<br/>
 “May i kiss you?”<br/>
<br/>
Martin let out a small, teary gasp. “May y- oh my god of co-” <br/>
<br/>
He didn’t even finish the sentence, their lips met in the middle. Martin could not believe this was actually happening. They were both smiling and Martin wouldn’t dare to break them apart. Jon’s hands were in martin’s hair and Martin wrapped his around Jon’s neck, holding him as close as he could. He could have had a whole week of this? He feels Jon is about to pull back, but he’s not ready, not yet, he holds him closer and Jon happily leans back in. Martin always knew he wanted this but never dared to imagine how it might feel. All those years of longing were in that kiss. All those times they were both alone in the archives, all the meals they shared laughing, all the times Martin was so alone and Jon was hurt every time he wanted to kiss him. When they finally break apart Martin immediately buries his face in Jon’s shoulder. Jon responds with a small chuckle, wrapping his arms around him. Martin just noticed he’s been crying this whole time, he lets out a chuckle as well. <br/>
<br/>
“I cannot believe you are this stupid,” he cried in to Jon’s neck<br/>
<br/>
“I’m sorry! how was I to know dragging you out of hell was not a loud enough demonstration of affection”<br/>
<br/>
“for a servant of the all knowing, you know very little”<br/>
<br/>
“Heh.”<br/>
<br/>
“You know you should have have told me”<br/>
<br/>
“Yeah, I’m starting to get that now”<br/>
<br/>
Martin pulled away, still holding him. “I mean it though. We have to communicate with each other. I’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner i had a problem too.” he lets out a small laugh “we are <em>really</em> bad at this, are we?” <br/>
<br/>
Jon wiped away Martin’s tear with his thumb.<br/>
<br/>
“Bit hard to work on social skills when stopping the apocalypse.”<br/>
<br/>
“Nah.” Martin kissed him on the cheek, still in aw that he doesn’t need to resist the urge to. That he is allowed to.<br/>
“You were always insufferable”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, thanks for reading! I am very sorry for the fact that i have 0 writing skills, i just really had to get this out of my head. I love these two so much and almost everything i read included them actually talking? about their feelings? and about their relationship?  unrealistic. Jon is a useless brick wall and thats why we love him so.<br/>I have no idea if this is actually good or not, i was too embarrassed to show this to anyone, so i guess sharing it with the internet is a great idea!!!<br/>you can uhm find me on tumblr @mrsmosby-wannabe (or @mrs-sketchcat for art) where i'm always yelling to the void about RQ shenanigans</p></blockquote></div></div>
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